Day 5

Just over 600km done. 400km to go. 5 days down, 3 to go.

Simon Hunter just doesn't have enough gears, but he did take advice in a Lebanese bike shop.

Rode over into Spain today. Another 8 hours , and for the purists climbed Aspet and passed the memorial to Fabio Casartelli, who died there in 1995. Lovely picnic today. Boiling hot. Can't last, can it?

Day 4: Tourmalet, Aspin, Peyresourde.

Just got out of an ice cold bath, in which I sat eating boiled potatoes and dried figs, drinking a recovery drink that looked brown and tasted grey. Why am I doing this?

I am now sitting in a bar in Bagneres Luchon drinking Heineken. Lawrence is holding a baby and giving an interview to an obscure french radio station. Headless is having a fag.

A goat got very close to me on Aspin, as you can see.

I have been fined (drink a Kummel) for wearing speedos for my massage. Tough.

Marcello (think judge Bruno on Strictly ..) is losing his big toe nail and has superglued it back on.

Another long but beautiful day. Hugo and I avoided 'picnic' and long stops. 'Splash and dash' strategy (recommended) meant we finished about 1.5 hours in front and got the hot water and the massages first. Not sustainable, we will make it I know now.

Half way today which is big psychologoically but weather about to turn we sense.

Great bunch of people and some heroic stuff. 15 years ago I did today in reverse (first etape) and ended up puking by the side of the road on Aspin and out there for 13 hours. Everyone grinding.

Day 3: Aubisque, Soulor,

A proper 'etape' type day. Out there for 8.5 hours climbing Marie Blanque, Aubisque, (the Queen of the Pyrenees ... a bitch in fact), Soulor and a real sod called Spandelles. Photo at the top to prove we did it. Am I alone in thinking he looks like Buzz Lightyear?

Climbed 3300m today in our Nando's peri-knees. LD produced live chicken to claim year's free dining at Nando's.

Day 2

Has been pointed out that we are riding around France in pink shirts with Zizzi on them. This is french slang for 'small dick'.

Day 1

A beautiful day but a late start so the mayor could see us off. Magnus Lund and Imanol Harinordiquy also.

Lots of stops and rolled in at 6. One of the girls, Anna, had nasty downhill crash but ok. Harder stage than we thought. Few hit the town last night and plenty of testosterone today. The ANC (Allen Nye Croker) lurked midfield. Mountains tomorrow. Great bunch and well organised but our guide did get lost twice.